he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
