Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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