from now on my penis is your penis
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
two words...techno handjob
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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