How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
