I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
