are you still at the devil's house?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
