do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
