I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
