what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
