if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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