You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize