Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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