conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
