you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
