The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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