96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
