True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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