Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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