Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
