I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
