On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
