I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
