Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
