I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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