I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
