Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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