Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Less talking, more tequila
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
