There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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