We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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