In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This house was built for laser tag.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
