so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
