it wasn't lemon gatorade
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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