Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
