Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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