Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
