I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
