True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
