If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
