There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
