I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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