you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
