she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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