I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
