I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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