He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
