does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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