just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
