oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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