Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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