let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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